A Month Later

I am doing better then I thought lol At least I didn't go past a month this time! It hasn't quite hit a month yet since my last post actually :p

Things have been super hectic! When are they no though! Aedan started an after school program, I ended up in the ER with tachycardia and costochondritis (it's now better thank God!), school started for me last month, I am starting to crochet inventory to re-open my Etsy shop (WOOHOO!!!) and to top it off, we have someone moving in with us tomorrow!

I would have to admit the last bit makes me a little nervous. The person that will be staying with us for a while (honestly I have no clue how long) use to be a big part of my life when we were in Germany. We were constantly together, we were like dirt under a nail or gum under a shoe. Where one went the other one was bound to be there as well. You get the idea, well we had a pretty big falling out. In these past two years we have slowly rekindled our friendship and like I have said before, I'm a helper. Thats something I can't help lol If someone is in need, I try to help in any way I can and in this case, its a place to stay.

This will be a huge lesson for me. A lesson in keeping strong and guarded. Not letting myself get crushed like I did in the past. This will show me if our friendship is back to where it was before anything ever happened or if it could ever get there.

In these two years I have been back stateside, I have learned a lot about myself and have become much stronger then I ever thought I could be. I'm determined not to let my guard down and with God by my side, I know everything will be just fine!

Dreaming

Al I want to do us run away, run away to a place where everything is perfect. I know, there is no such place. If there were though; I wouldn't be depressed, ADHD, have sleeping problems, my migraines would be non existing and I wouldn't be trying to figure out what's going on with my heart rate. My kids wouldn't have any medical issues, hubby would have more patience and everything would be honky dory.

A girl can dream right? But I know everything happens for a reason. God has a purpose for everything he does! There's a lesson to be learned in everything, whether we like it or not. I just have to keep faith in Him.

Sucks!

Why is it that I have this huge urge to craft but I feel like poop? Since Sunday I've been nauseous, with a headache, tired and to top it off my joints hurt on my right side. This totally sucks because I'm right handed. I want to crochet, do some wood burning and finish an art piece I started last week. Guess everything will be done it short pieces so I don't kill my poor hand :/

Prep

This week has been great! Seeing family, friend's, getting back onto following the steps of God and doing a bit of maintenance in our home.

We decided that since we both start school soon, we needed as much free time as possible. After some time we came up with prepping meals ahead of time. It's a bit hectic and time consuming, but I'm definitely liking it!

As of now we have quite a few meals prepped in the freezer so all we have to do is defrost and cook! A few more meals to prep tomorrow and we will have enough meals for 2 weeks. Eeek!

Finally

I read a blog today that totally inspired me to start blogging again! Blogging and I have not been the best of friends, I always felt like I wasn't writing anything entertaining/interesting and mostly because all the blogs I would run across seemed to always be fashion or craft blogs. Although I do consider myself crafty, my stuff are pretty basic and no way am I all that fashionable so I just wouldn't blog.

I have come to the conclusion that I want to use my blog for what it was originated for, as a journal. Documenting my life, my highs my lows, my crafts and if I totally like an outfit, then yes my "fashion" as well! This blog from now on will be used as my journal, if you read it good and if you don't, that's good too.

Stimulated Brain

EMDR.

My fist visit with Doc was the very first time I had ever heard of this. I was to go home and look it up because soon I would be in an office waiting to have this done. 

It wasn't hard to find a good descriptive definition online. There is actually a website specified to it, www.emdr.com. The definition bellow comes directly from there.

EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) is a psychotherapy that enables people to heal from the symptoms and emotional distress that are the result of disturbing life experiences. 

Once I knew what I was getting myself into I scheduled my first appointment. Three appointments later, here I am. My first real session done and I am completely overwhelmed! I was done with my session three hours ago and I still have this huge knot in chest.

We started off the session with my "disturbing life experience" and ended up talking about two different uncles, an aunt and a cousin. I knew that different images could possibly be jumping out me but I never thought that they would very this much and make me as emotional as they did!

I was told my brain will be stimulated for the next 5-7 days, which means thoughts of something from my past could randomly pop up that can possibly upset me. I guess all I can do is wait and see. Next session is scheduled for the 10th. Hopefully my brain will let me stay calm till then.

Personal

Warning!! Long Post!!!

Besides my husband, sister, parents and close friend/neighbor, I haven't told anyone else so please don't judge.

Right after my last post I got into a pretty bad depression, well at least for me it was. I have realized that I have always struggled with depression but have been able to keep it well hidden, but all those years had finally crept up and I just couldn't hide it any more. All I wanted to do was sleep, I stopped working out, every little thing would make me mad, plus I would find myself crying for no reason. With two small children at home, this was NOT acceptable at all!

After some research, I knew I had to talk to a Psychiatrist. Seeing as my husband is Military and me not being sure if I was going to need a referral, I sent my doctor a message. A few hours later I got a reply saying that a referral was not necessary, all I needed to do was find one around me that accepted Tricare. A little scared and nervous, I started Googling Psychiatrist in my area and found one with great reviews. I called them to see if they accepted Tricare and to see if they were accepting new patients, which they quickly answered yes to both. Now all I had to do was go online and fill out a new patient survey of sorts, wait for them to review it and call me back to schedule an appointment.

While I waited nervously, I got the courage to talk to my husband. This part was the hardest! All I could think was that he was going to think I was weak and I didn't want him disappointed in me. Luckily I have a very loving and supporting husband! He held me and told me that I wasn't crazy but if I really wanted to see a Psychiatrist, I had all his support! The next day I got the call and a few days later I was in an office awaiting my name to be called.

The "Doc" was very easy to talk to and I learned a lot about myself on this day! Besides being depressed, I also suffer from PTSD, which explains the reoccurring nightmares I have had about all my life. Not only that but I also have ADD which has messed with my sleeping habits. I left there understanding why I am the I am and why I do the things I do. Doc also sent me home with 3 different prescriptions, and a business card for an EMDR specialist who he wanted me to go see.

It's been 5 weeks since my 1st visit and things are starting to look up.

To Be Continued